The Thing About Identity


“I’m not athletic.” 

“I’m not techy.” 

“I’m just bad with money.”

“I’m an introvert, I don’t want to make small talk.”

These are just some of the phrases I hear, both in my own head, and when listening to others talk, including clients. 

There’s this resolution to being “just the way I am.”

You can be just the way you are if you want to be, and I’d like to point out, that often these limiting personality traits that we point to are the exact same belief holding us back from our desires and purpose. 

Let’s say you want to cut back on how much alcohol you drink. You start to make Drink Plans (a process that I teach my clients), and you find yourself (this is how you’d describe it) not following your plan when going on dates. 

You come back to me and tell me, “I’m just not the kind of girl that can make conversation on dates and not be awkward on a first date. I get so nervous and don’t know what to say. I’m just an anxious person. I just want to get to the point where I’m settled in a relationship.” 

When you resign to it all just being the way you are, you continue to create the same experience for yourself, which then solidifies your belief about being those things.

I’m not saying you can’t choose to keep certain personality or identity traits that you want to be. 

The point is, our identity is simply a deeply engrained collection of beliefs (which are thoughts, and thoughts are sentences in our brain) that we’ve subscribed to acting from over and over. Then you layer on neural groves of habit and many past experiences to be used as evidence for this identity. 

Then you blame your current reality and experience in life on these attributes. 

If you still love your reason for wanting a new reality, I want to offer that you may want to take a look at what you identify as and see if you want to continue to just be that way, or if you want to question it all again. 

It’s completely up to you, which is so much more empowering than “just being” a certain way. 

Who do you want to be?

Does it align with where you’re going?

Is your future self that way?